Broken Down

I am writing this at 04:27am.
I know it is a stupid time of the night to be writing a post here, but tonight I did a psychological test to promote a film called Byzantium. It involves completing five tasks which are basically meant to show you more about yourself, and how subtle hints/commands can influence your head. I was in two minds whether to continue after step one because it lay my life before me.
I was afraid that my life had been written down before me, and the whole point of step one is to reveal your subconscious mind. Some of the things written down I already knew, the others were a shock to realise when I thought on the points.
 Because of this stupid promotion, I broke down and cried, and was close to ending the entire thing there, but curiosity got the better of me and I proceeded.
The reason step one brought me to tears is because, like all psychological tests, it is meant to reveal parts of you that you don't realise. I was told that I am cautious of friendships due to past behaviour from friends, and because of that I will always be nervous and basically tread carefully. Then it came to the killer point; in relationships, because I have been hurt before and I am cautious, I am too scared to really put myself out there and show my true feelings because I will forever think any relationship I get involved in will end up in tears and agony, and I can't go through it again.
I can't remember much else of what step one told me, but those are the things which stick out and it scared me to see my own thoughts and feelings, some which I never truly realised, written before me by a psychological test, where the true intention was to promote a film.
The odd thing is I only wanted to do it as a means of fun because I am struggling to sleep, and have been trying to sleep now for over an hour and a half, but nothing seems to be working. I found my friend had done it, so I decided to have a go myself just for the sheer hell of it, and after step one, I wish I didn't.
I can safely say I want to die again. I try so hard to hide my feelings from others, I didn't realise how much I hid them from myself. It took seeing that to make me realise, and I hate myself for denying myself the simple knowledge to know myself entirely.
I suppose I have gotten that used to hiding my feelings, that in the end I taught myself how to hide them from me, and because of this, I don't know what to do with myself. I feel like I am not a person anymore, I am simply an empty shell waiting to be broken into pieces by the next thing to come at me and try to break me. I will let it, and I shall be my own downfall.
I am scared, this time of myself; Fear of yourself is the worst fear to know, and will forever be a fear everyone has, but some, unlike myself, just don't realise it until they find that point where it comes to facing yourself as a person, and when you see how scared of yourself you really get, things like phobia's and simple things like fears of the dark, become nothing in comparison.
I have finished writing this at 04:38am.
Goodnight.
Kirstie.