I am writing this at 20:49pm.
Tonight I have been thinking about myself and where I want to go in life, and due to me being ill it has got me wondering if when I'm better, will I still be the same?
I have thought of nothing else for much of the day until it came to the evening where I distracted myself a lot, and I had a few conversations and some were worrying, some were normal. I've been helping others a lot and I have decided I should put myself aside for now.
At the back of my mind I still get that nagging feeling that says "death would do you good," and I don't like it anymore. My body may accept it but I, as a person, I am now unsure. Sometimes I think it would be a good idea still, other times I don't.
As for me being ill, our phone company cut us off today and reduced us to incoming calls, so unfortunately I haven't even been able to make myself an appointment with my doctor to get myself sorted illness wise.
I suppose I can't think of much else to say, I'm just trying to think of what I can and can't do right now.
I have finished writing this at 20:53pm.
Thank you for reading,
Kirstie x
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