Scared Again

I am writing this at 23:07pm.
As usual, I open my mouth and things I want to say come across wrong to others in a different way than I intended, and now I fear I may lose such an amazing friend. He was my partner, turned into my friend, and now I fear I may lose him altogether and in honesty, I don't think I could handle it.
Already my mind is thinking the worse of the situation because even after me begging him and apologising to him, I haven't heard him say anything else. I am trying to stay occupied but my head just wont accept distractions, and I don't know what I'd do if I lost him as a friend.
I have another friend of mine trying to cheer me up, but it doesn't seem to be working. My mind is just thinking if I lost my old partner as a friend it would be more my loss than his, and I truly wouldn't be able to handle the change. My mind wouldn't know how to cope, my body wouldn't know how to cope, and in honesty my entire being wouldn't cope.
I am scared, again.
I have finished writing this at 23:13pm.
Kirstie.